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I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
“How do you make abortion funny?” That was a key question mulled at a major conservative gathering Friday on how to make social conservatism appealing to young people, after an election where Republicans got trounced in the battle for millennial voters (who are are moving even further and further away from the Christian-right on marriage on other issues).

Abortion has to be made funny, the thinking goes, because funny sells on social media, and that’s where one goes to court young people. “You can engage with sarcasm, it’s hard with the abortion issue, but you have to,” said Students for Life President Kristan Hawkins at a breakout panel at the Faith and Freedom Coalition Conference in Washington today on how to win millennial voters. “Unfortunately we have to, because this is the generation that we’ve been dealt.”

So the way to convince young Americans to join the Republican Party is to make abortion hilarious. Or at least be sarcastic about it. Your abortion-related humor will then get the young folks these days to realize that you are hip and with it and that they really want on board with that whole Gilead-patterened premise of social conservative religious rule, aka Jesus Sharia.

You know something? Screw it. You go for it, folks. I would have paid solid pay-per-view prices to see Mitt Romney standing at the Republican National Convention plastering the audience with some truly top-notch abortion jokes. How many abortions does it take to change a light bulb? A priest, a rabbi and an abortion walk into a bar, and the priest says hey pal, you're an abomination, I can't believe they let you in here. You know, humor.

The premise apparently extends to being anti-gay-marriage as well; nothing attracts the young folks like treating gay people like dirt while also making jokes about it on Twitter. Unfortunately, those "young people" are about 12 years old, so they'll have to figure out a way to keep them occupied until voting age. Maybe some fetus-related puppet shows or something.

In the meantime, I think we all need to start preparing an escape plan. The moon is far too boring, and Mars might take a long, long time to terraform, but we've got to at least start considering our options. We're nearing maximum crackpot. This thing's about to go supernova.

Originally posted to Hunter on Mon Jun 17, 2013 at 01:22 PM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos.

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